Worrying Too Much?
I was reading one of the many blogs I read each day and came across this entry:
http://www.adaringadventure.com/blog/wordpress/life-coaching/how-to-stop-worrying/
It's amazing that we spend so much time in worry mode. As a whole, we spend far too much time worrying about small things. I hear my family worrying about their careers: "I'm afraid my boss is going to fire me." "My case-load is way down. What am I going to do?" "My supplier isn't able to ship me my parts and I can't fill my orders." My friends are worried about their relationships (or lack of relationships). My kids are worried about whether they are going to have treats (ie. sugar) before or after dinner. It's endless.
Here's more: I was at the coffee shop this morning for a couple of hours for a weekly get-together/networking meeting and overheard the people next to me arguing about the state of the nation. Here's a pointer: Stop worrying about politics, you can't change someone's mind. If you could, would it be worth your time?
Worrying is a major catalyst for depression, anger and anxiety. If you remove the worrying in your life (extinguish the catalyst), you will be happier, less stressed and more likeable.
Try these simple tools to take the worry in your life down a notch:
- Positive Spin: When you hear your self-talk getting negative, rephrase the statements with a positive spin. This might be the oldest trick in the book, but there's a reason why it's still printed. Negative self talk perpetuates itself and exposes itself in your interactions with the outside world. For example, you might find yourself looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, "I'm having a bad hair day." Rephrase that with "A trip to the hair-dresser would be good for me." Better yet, "My eyes are bright today." The first comment changes an interpreted negative image to a positive action that will make you feel better. The second comment replaces the negative thought with a positive statement about yourself that will ring true for the remainder of the day.
- Key Word: Create a keyword or phrase that you repeat to yourself. Pick something that makes you smile or giggle inside. This technique has worked wonders for me and my family. We use the word "oink" and have to say it twice with a pause between them. Say it out loud: "oink" "oink". Did you feel your lips naturally moving into the smile position? I remind myself to do this at least once a day. I also remind my family to do it when I hear them expressing worry and anger. Feel free to use my words, or come up with your own. Just be sure they create that same smile feel in your lips or at least make you giggle a bit inside.
- Funny Action: This is a technique I discovered while conversing with a good friend of mine. We were discussing the simple pleasures in life and he said that he talks to horses. He continued to tell me that when he passes a horse (while driving), he says "hello" and engages in a quick one-sided conversation. I was amazed to hear him tell me this goofy fact about himself. Most people wouldn't admit such a thing and I would suggest to you that you keep this technique to yourself unless you really know someone well. The fact is that I was doing a similar thing with cows. True. I rarely pass a cow without belting out my best cow impersonation. Ask my kids, they will tell you it's true. The effect is to remove yourself from the reality that is your "viewable" self and live in the "real" moment. Let the real you show if even just for a moment and even if it's just you that can view it. Do it often.
- Action List: Most experts will agree that the best way to reduce anxiety is to fix the problem. Make an action list everyday and check off the items as you complete them. Sounds simple. Then why don't all of us do this? I'm not sure, but I will tell you that after I trained myself to do it, I felt a lot better about my accomplishments. Instead of negative self-talking about all of the things I haven't completed, I am now able to self-talk about my achievements. If something is worrying you that is under your control, then investigate the issue, solve the problem and complete the task.
- Trim the Fat: This will take the most effort on your part, but will be the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself. Decide what you can fix and what is completely out of your control. If you can fix it, go to the previous bullet point and complete the task. If you have no control over the resolution of the problem, get rid of it! I don't mean tuck it away into a mental filing cabinet only to be rediscovered some time in the future. I mean forget about it. Tell yourself verbally and mentally "This is not my issue." Or say, "This is their issue. Not mine." When you can take yourself out of the equation, you will be less worried, less depressed and a whole lot more fun to be around.
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